(Jacket - Jordache, Shirt - High school Senior shirt - Pants - gift, Shoes - Chuck Taylors)
Honestly, I feel...lost within myself to say the least. Almost like there's so much I want to do, say, get out, etc. but I'm not sure how? Blogging helps more and more. Expressing myself through inspiration posts and mood boards is great. I started keeping a journal again which I find really fun. Maybe I shouldn't say I don't know how to express myself because obviously I do, it's kind of just, sometimes I feel like it isn't enough. Like after I always feel like there's so much more of me to show but I kind of hold back. I lock some of me away kind of. I'm afraid sometimes, that what I have to say is too much or that it isn't what people want to hear. But really, who cares? Who cares if it's not what people want. I don't live for anyone but myself, and I have to keep that in mind. I quote one of my favorite songs when I always say: Life's too short to even care at all.
So yes, I got all of that out, great. I have been watching Freaks and Geeks like mad and I don't understand why it only lasted one season. It's a great show. It's a pretty perfect show in my opinion. And James Franco is, ah, he is heaven on screen I tell you. I like how it still seems 70'sishh even though it's set in 1980...which makes perfect sense because the 70's still lived through a great part of the early 80's. I just love it, from the characters, to the scripts, to the scenes, to the lessons it shows to the world (I always look for lessons and meanings in shows and meanings. Pretty bad but wonderful habit.) and I am so happy I found it on Netflix, otherwise I probably would've never heard of it. Which is weird and I wonder why in the world I have never heard of this show. I have heard of literally (Not to sound like a snobbish vintage junkie or anything) almost everything from the 60's-90's. That is my time and I can't express that enough how much I love it. I don't share these things on my blog to brag, I share them to show what I love because I know I am not the only one utterly nostalgic every day and in love with these past times. I've also been really inspired lately by Tavi Gevinson. I think she is great, she is literally an amazing girl who I'd enjoy meeting one day. She runs the blog TheStyleRookie, and an online teen girls magazine called Style Rookie that you should all check out. I've actually been reading her blog since I was around 13 or 14 and it gets better and better as the months go by.
I've been thinking for the past few days how much I miss Avril Lavigne, Blink 182, Red Hot Chili Peppers, etc.'s music. I shouldn't put it like that probably, because there music is still around. I miss them making music. There you go. They just..ugh they were all perfect people and perfect bands and sometimes I just get in these moods where I only listen to them. For instance, my go to "I hate everything and I'm so sad ahh" song is "I Miss You" by Blink 182. I think it's perfect and I can listen to it 58737 times in a row and not get sick of it. I actually fell asleep to it on repeat last night. Bands of the 90's that lasted through the early 2000's were great honestly. I think it's pretty heartbreaking how bands started in the later of the decades could never stay together. I don't know what that was all about. But oh well, I appreciate them all making as much music as they did. I feel as if I'm inspired by music more than most things because that's one of the few things in life that I actually get an understand. Or one of few things in life that actually gets and understands me. Music is...a very big part of my life. I don't write music, nor do I aspire to become a music artist of any kind but I swear to this world without music I would be completely lost in a world I know nothing of. I love when I hear new things I've never heard of. I love when I hear a song that I've heard more times than I can wrap my head around but every time I hear it it sounds better than the last time. I love when I listen to something that isn't new to my memory but I hear lyrics I never caught on to and I think "Oh my god that is my life." I love dancing to music. I love laying in my bed falling asleep to music. I love hearing my older brother Devon play guitars at all hours of the day and night. I love those chills you get when you hear great tunes. I just love every wonderful thing music does to me man. It moves me in ways I think is absolutely incredible, and I am thankful to have the music taste I have. I am thankful that I like just about every genre of music. I get the best of all worlds. I just really love what life has to offer to us all. It can be a really crappy thing at times, but seriously, with every bad thing that happens. there is always something good going on in your life. I try to think about that more.
Ahh I'm in a very brainstormy inspired thinking mood right now as I typed that out as I'm listening to my music playlist on tumblr. I really hope everyone who is reading this has a great Friday. Go listen to something great that you haven't listened to in a long time. Something that moves you, makes you want to dance. Or something that brings back memories and even makes you cry. Tears are good, feelings are good. No matter how bad I claim to hate feelings...I kind of see it as..hey, you're alive, feeling something. Good or bad, it's better than feeling nothing. Although feeling nothing is feeling something, it's the worst feeling one could feel. So yeah, go listen to great music and laugh and smile and feel warm and fuzzy and just go love life.
Even when you hate life, love it. If that makes sense.
I'm full of contradictory and confusion but hey, I guess I'm lost trying to find my way just like a good majority of this world.
Happy Friday everyone